Is there a secret weapon, an inside secret that the most joyful and successful people know and the rest of us don’t?

What makes people happy AND successful?
Is there a secret weapon, an inside secret that the most joyful and successful people know and the rest of us don’t?

Peter Temes argues yes, in his book The Power of Purpose. The answer, according to him is this: the more you focus on helping others, the more you will succeed in reaching your own goals.
The secret to happiness in the long term, to joy, is to help others.

What would make you happy? If we ask this question, there will be a range of answers – some will say they want success, they want money, they want control over their lives, they want love, they want to belong to communities that help them feel important, valued and cared for. These desires, according to Peter are not really an end in itself. It’s not money that we want. It’s what that money allows us to do. It’s not power we want if it’s unused, it’s what power allows us to accomplish. Love and belonging are also not an end in itself – what is best about love is giving love, showing love and concern to the ones we love. What is best about belonging is accepting others into the circle or community. The end point of our desires is not having, it’s giving. What makes people happy in the long run is helping others. It’s what we do, not what we are. It’s how we give, not how we take.

Peter’s own life reflects such a philosophy – he started college when he was just fifteen, dropped out twice, but when he was nineteen, he started to study the forces that drive people to achieve ambitious goals. He must have wondered what is it that drove these people to achieve these extraordinary goals? He found out through his own studies and experience that the answer lie in focusing their purpose in work (and in life) to helping others, in their own unique way.

The principle is simple but profound. The more you focus on helping others, the more you will succeed in your own goals. Helping others in the most direct and effective way to reach your goals, in your relationships, at work, and in your community. This may sound as a bit of irony but it is one of the profound truths in life. Just as the saying “It is better to give than to receive”, you may think it is obvious that benefits of receiving inevitably outweigh any possible advantages of giving, but many people find that, contrary to expectations, this is not their experience.

In order to shift our thinking and mindset towards this principle, we need to be conscious and adopt level 3 thinking. The 3 levels of thinking as outlined by Temes are summarised as follows:

Level 1 Thinking
Asking ourselves: How am I? How do I feel? How do I look to myself?
The focus is on how you feel about yourself – it’s almost all you care about.
Example 1 - When you wake up in the morning and say to yourself – I’m not going to work because I feel tired and I think I don’t feel well.
Example 2 – A consultant asking how he feels giving a presentation in front of the clients
Example 3 – A salesperson focusing on doing a good job on his/her own terms
Example 4 – An operator focusing on doing a his job by his/her own internal standards

Level 2 Thinking
Asking ourselves: How do others see me? How do I look to others? How do others feel about me?
The focus is on how others see us. There is also recognition that the ways other people see the world is important.
Example 1 - You ask your spouse “Do I look as bad as I feel?”
Example 2 - The consultant asking how do I look in front of others? Do I look confident? Am I fidgeting?
Example 3 – The salesperson focusing on making a good impression on the sales prospect
Example 4 – An operator focusing on making a good impression on his supervisor or in front of his peers

Level 3 Thinking
Asking ourselves: How do others see themselves? How do others feel about themselves? What are their most important goals?
Example 1 – Asking yourself how other people feel if I don’t go to work. You may then discover the best possible motive to get out of bed into the world: “other people are depending on me today”. The motive to get up and out is not about what matters to me, but what matters to others
Example 2- The consultant focuses not on how he looks to others but focuses on the audience and their needs. He might ask himself what do they make of the presentation. He may then ask the audience for their thoughts and reactions. That will help him tailor his message accordingly to best meet their goals, needs and expectations from the material presented.
Example 3 – The salesperson has no interest in looking good but only in helping to bring the sales prospect look good in his own eyes, and reach his own goals.
Example 4 – The operator does not focus on himself, instead asks what he can do to meet the goals of his work unit or the plant where he works in. He starts to think of how he can contribute his expertise or best practice to his own work unit, other work units and the larger plant.


By shifting your thinking to level 3 thinking, you become focused not on yourself or how you look to others, but on how you can help others, and in doing so help you achieve your own success.

Related story – story of Kiran and Rachel (right click to open in an another window)

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